I am simply giving up. Simply giving up on the pile on the table and the emails in the inbox that make my head spin. I don't know where to start. I didn't know five hours ago, I don't know now. So...
Should I do it? Should I make that post? Ya know, the one that maybe no one else wants to read but the one that all of a sudden you feel like you should write?
I know this doesn't sound like me, cause most of you don't know me as a shy person lacking something to say, but I am actually a pretty private person. I don't share a lot of things about my feelings, the deep ones. I have this thing about feeling inadequate to express, so I don't do it. I don't even want to start to explain because I feel like I won't even get near what I am actually trying to explain. So I give up. I keep it inside. Kind of like how I feel about my mission, and how I feel about my husband.
The men in my life...
My daddy is up in the mountains right now. He is trying to find his Elk. He's all by himself. Or at least he was for part of it. He's never been a man that is afraid of things, not often anyway. I love my daddy. My daddy is WISE. My daddy is the one that came to save me from the bad guys in my dreams. My daddy is my superhero. My daddy knows a lot. He tells me wise things. He supports me. And he loves my son.
My brother Curt is my idol. I want to be more like Curt. So much more! Curt is happy. Curt is grateful. Curt is founded in righteousness and doesn't cop out when he's up against what he really wants and what God wants. Curt is fun and loving and makes everyone feel like they are the most important person in the world. I love my brother Curt. I can't imagine my life without my best friend Curt.
I am eternally grateful to my father-in-law. You see, without Bret my deepest wish and desire of eternity would not be coming true. Deepest. I won't bare all here. Tim would not be who he is without his father Bret. Bret, along with Joyce, raised my husband. He taught more with example than words. Way more. Bret showed Tim how to love and honor women. My words are dammed up. I feel The world-contrived English language is handicapping. He showed Tim the way to be a Super Man. We gave Trent his name, Reed.
Should I try to write about Trent? Nope. Can't do it.
Tim. Now here's where it gets scary. Should I try to put my feelings into words? I guess I will. Just for a minute.
Tim. A gem. Ya know, the gem you don't always notice, the one you can't always see. Willing to sit in the background while my selfish natural man takes up all the spotlight. The one that absolutely does not fight back even when my stupid self is trying to pick a fight. The man that calls me on the carpet when I am in the wrong, that doesn't let me get away with stupid stuff. A man without guile. A man stripped of selfishness. A man more in control of his natural man than any other person I have ever met. An amazing man. I can't believe he is mine. Since I'm failing in my quest to express, I won't go on.
Ya know, here is this man, this man that loved me from the beginning. I was a confused girl that had just come out of a weird and confusing situation. I was emotionally and mentally out of whack and that was the time Tim came in to my life. Up, down, up, down, around. And Tim waited for me. He made me dinner. He helped me move. He bought me DVDs to save my photos. And I stabilized. And in the end he won...I won. And I think the way he handled my rough situation shows a lot about who he is. He wouldn't get walked on, but he let me stabilize.
It feels so good to be loved, and Tim has always loved me so much. I don't get it! I just don't. I don't know how he survived me. I am thankful for my husband. And this is the part where I stop. I won't tell you about how I think I am absolutely the luckiest woman of everything, everywhere.
Now Tim is going to come home from work and think, "How can you say all those things and go on being so bad at showing them?" Dang I hate my weaknesses. I want to be so much better.
Tim wants to be Timothy. He won't ever really force it, but he does, he wants to be Timothy, not Tim. And since I call him honey and stuff, I don't really get the chance to give him his wish. Maybe ya'll can.
I see people writing their blog posts to their spouses and family members, honoring them and why they love them so much. So this is my attempt to do it a little for the men in my life, even though this isn't really like me. Men's Day in September.
Lest you dare not look on, please do. Pictured below are me and the men in my life, my boys.
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