Tim and I were given the opportunity (and pressure ;)) to speak in Sacrament Meeting yesterday on Mother's Day. The beginning of my talk has a list of the many roles mothers take on, and I enjoyed putting it together. It was so easy to do because I really feel like as a mother we are required to be so many things! So I wanted to share that with you. (And yes, I did sing a line of Whitney Houston over the pulpit in Sacrament Meeting. hahaha. I was wondering if I should, but I just went for it. :)) So I wanted to share this list with you, cause all mothers deserve the credit of being so many people in one. But while I'm at it, I think I'll post my whole talk. I feel a little strange doing it, but as you know, when studying for a talk and putting together some of your thoughts you've received as you've had time to ponder, you learn so much and are able to engrain more of the doctrine of our Savior into your heart. So, I think I'll post my whole talk with the expectation that no one needs to read it, and knowing I just thought I'd share but not like it's anything new or grand. It is my testimony, and I love to share my testimony. And because my blog is private, only my very close friends will have access to it anyway.
I love you. And Happy Mother's Day.
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[Sacrament Meeting talk, based on “Mothers Who Knew” by Julie B. Beck, Oct 2007 (her first talk after being called as Relief Society President, Pleasant Grove 6th Ward, May 8, 2011, Mother’s Day)]
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It’s Mother’s Day. I guess this day is for me now too? I am a mother? I have kids that call me “Mommy.” And if that doesn’t work, they try, “Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!”, or, “Maahhhhh-meeeee!”, or finally, “Mommy, can you hear me? Mommy, can you hear me?”
That’s me. I’m “mommy”. That’s my full-time job.
But then I think, mommy equals chef, house keeper, family schedule manager, launderer, cleaner, cupboard and fridge supplier, doctor, psychologist, teacher, disciplinarian (all the while trying to “[Reprove] betimes with sharpness, when moved upon by the Holy Ghost; and then showing forth afterwards an increase of love toward him whom thou hast reproved, lest he esteem thee to be his enemy; (D&C 121:43)), storyteller, home librarian, interior and exterior decorator, speech therapist, budget and book keeper, activity organizer, deal finder, dispute resolver as lawgiver, lawyer and judge, principal family photographer, family historian, gospel teacher, missionary, education researcher, carpooler, home organizer, hair cutter, nail technician, lifeguard, potty trainer, disaster cleanup, praiser, nurturer, comforter, friend, and biggest fan. It also means spontaneous dance party starter, cartime karaoke director, toy repairwoman, professional tip-toer during nap-time, master distracter for disaster prevention, work-in-progress as a competent calm reactor to disasters that still occur wihin the 1.5 seconds you turned your head and stopped your masterful distracting, creative task inventor for 16 hours straight, practiced at accepting the call to clean up one mess even as another mess is being created at the other end of the room, well-rounded snack and meal-supplier, unlimited hugger and kisser, and audience to 2 feet tall and 3 feet tall personal comedians.
And all of these things, and more, are encompassed in one word: Mother.
Just when all woman should be singing “I’m every woman, it’s all in me!” Alas, no celebration. At least three times a week (being the passionate and formerly-known-as-drama-queen person I am), I either want to scream, “I just can’t do it all!”, sulk, sit in a corner and cry, “I just can’t do it all...sob, sob”, or call my husband, as if he was the one makiong me think I needed to be it all, and say, “Husband! I just can’t do it all!” Poor guy. He never asked me to be.
And we haven’t even touched on the fact we may also be a wife, daughter, sister, friend, employee, or even just ME (ya know, the me who reads scriptures, showers, and puts on makeup?).
So we know that we just can’t be it all. Our inspired and called-of-God leader, Sister Julie B. Beck, in her talk, “And upon the Handmaids in Those Days Will I Pour Out My Spirit”, has said, “A good woman knows that she does not have enough time, energy, or opportunity to take care of all of the people or do all of the worthy things her heart yearns to do.” End quote. So we can’t! We have good hearts, but with that it is important that we resolve that we simply cannot do all our heart yearns to do. And who makes us feel we need to be perfect at being every woman right now? We all know, and it certainly isn’t the Father of us all, but rather, the father of all lies, for our Father knows we have time enough for perfection in all things. Even eternity.
So we do our best. Listen as Sister Beck continues, “Life is not calm for most women, and each day seems to require the accomplishment of a million things, most of which are important. But with personal revelation, she can prioritize correctly and navigate this life confidently.”
“With personal revelation, she can prioritize correctly and navigate this life confidently.” End quote.
And so it is with “personal revelation” that we can do first things first.
Sister Beck’s talk in the 2010 BYU Women’s Conference literally changed my life and my heart. She talked about our To Dos. (And I am a big To Do list person). Early on in her life she realized that all of her To Dos fell into one of three categories. Essential, Necessary, and Nice To Dos. It rang something familiar from Elder Oaks talk on Good, Better, and Best. But this time in my life, personalized to women, I really got it. She said, my Essential things are the things on my list that ensure the blessings of eternal life for me and my family. As a mother, I am the Lioness at the gate of my home. I determine what comes into my home and goes out. In a sense, I determine what time in our family is allocated to God, to our family, and to others. I am the Lioness and Essentials are to come first. These are things like personal scripture study, time to ponder, personal and powerful prayer with my Father in Heaven, temple attendance, attending my Sunday meetings, and ensuring I am worthy through obedience to receive personal revelations. After essentials come the necessary items, like cleaning, and feeding, and nurturing my family. Sister Beck elaborated here and shared that after pondering she had a renewed vision for necessary things. Paraphrasing, “Mundane tasks of pickup up things around the house now had a bigger purpose of creating a place where the Spirit of the Lord could come. Making meals took on new meaning for me because I was creating a place and time where we could gather and I could teach and we could receive revelation.” After essentials, and then the necessary, come the Nice To Dos. And we can determine what those are. Then Sister Beck warned, if we do the Nice To Dos first, if we make them the priority, we lose power. Nice To Dos add variety and light to life, but they do not save us. We have to have our priorities in order. As we have those in order we may be happy to see just how many Nice To Dos we actually get to do. She said, “In the necessary you must be good. In the essential you must be at the top of your game.”
All of my mission I would promise investigators time and time again, if they would read the Book of Mormon, and put God before everything else they had, God would elongate their time and make all that was needful possible to for them to do. Do I believe this in my own life? Do I follow what I asked, pleaded, and invited so many to do in my mission?
Sisters, even with the millions of things we have to do and yearn to do each day, if we can prioritize, we can have a life of order. And a life of peace.
Sister Beck again, “The responsibility mothers have today has never required more vigilance. More than at any time in the history of the world, we need mothers who know [like those of the 2,000 stripling warriors]. Children are being born into a world where they “wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places” (Ephesians 6:12). However, mothers need not fear. [Ahhh. Isn’t that wonderful to hear?] When mothers know who they are and who God is and have made covenants with Him, they will have great power and influence for good on their children.”
Did you hear that promise? “When mothers know who they are and who God is and have made covenants with Him, they will have great power and influence [emphasis added] for good on their children.”
As woman, or as human beings, we seem to yearn for power and influence. Sister Beck talks about a mother heart, sharing that her mother who had a mother heart took all her talents, natural abilities, gifts and skills she had gained before marrying, and “channeled them into an organization that had no earthly bounds.”
Sister Beck went on, “I was recently at a park where I met a group of women with mother hearts. They were young, covenant-keeping women. They were bright and had obtained advanced degrees from respected universities. Now they were devoting their considerable gifts to planning dinner that evening and sharing housekeeping ideas. They were teaching two-year-olds to be kind to one another. They were soothing babies, kissing bruised knees, and wiping tears. ...That young mother will build faith and character in the next generation one family prayer at a time, one scripture study session, one book read aloud, one song, one family meal after another. She is involved in a great work. ...She knows that the influence of righteous, conscientious, persistent, daily mothering is far more lasting, far more powerful, far more influential than any earthly position or institution invented by man.”
“In equal partnership with their husbands, [mothers who know] lead a great and eternal organization.” End quote.
And so it is, these mothers who know, in equal partnership with their husbands, are CEOs of something way bigger and more influential than the biggest, most powerful company on earth.
A few years ago at BYU Women’s Conference, one speaker said, "I once heard, 'The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world,' and I am just going to have to be satisfied with ruling the world."
Sister Beck says, “Mothers who know do less. These mothers choose carefully and do not try to choose it all. [They themselves are also] selective about their own activities and involvement to conserve their limited strength in order to maximize their influence where it matters most. Their goal is to prepare a rising generation of children who will take the gospel of Jesus Christ into the entire world. Their goal is to prepare future fathers and mothers who will be builders of the Lord’s kingdom for the next 50 years. That is influence. That is power. “
In short, and in my own words, mothers who know have eternal perspective.
Mother’s day, now as a mother, has caused me to reflect on my own mothering and give myself my own evaluation. While others may praise me on this day simply because I have been given the title of mother, I wonder, Am I worthy of this praise? Am I truly a good mother? And in a sense, this holiday is a celebration for me of the things I am doing better than last year, and the hope of evaluating myself on this day of praise next year, looking back and seeing that I was even better at putting first things first.
Will I listen to the Spirit? Will I stay worthy of the Spirit that I may receive the vital revelations I need as a mother? Will I then follow those revelations to stop the temptation to be sucked into the Nice To Dos or even some necessaries and take care of the essentials with a truly eternal perspective?
Brothers and sisters, I love the gospel. I love the opportunity to study, then to try God on His word, then to gain sure testimony of eternal principles that bless our lives. When I ponder, I realize that life is really all about learning self-discipline. Life is not about turning something that is still good out of our lives completely, simply because we cannot learn to balance it. Life is about learning how to balance. It is about moderation. It is about first things first.
I am grateful for the privilege and opportunity to be a mother. I am grateful for the mothers in my life who nurture me, love me, teach me, and forgive me. I am grateful for the single sisters in our ward and in the church whom I know, or whom I see coming to church meetings each Sunday, full of love and dedication to the gospel and to their Savior, bearing and nurturing their mother hearts even while waiting for children of their own. The admiration I have for single mothers or mothers who come to church meetings without the help of spouse, is almost beyond words for me to express. As I watch these mothers bringing their children in to church meetings alone, or as I saw it on my mission to Venezuela, knowing they sometimes had to fight with their children or even their spouse to get their children to come, knowing they prepared them for church meetings on their own and cared for them during sacrament meeting on their own, my heart is full of gratitude to my Savior to be able to see these examples in my life that inspire me and cause me to reflect on my own level of dedication to the gospel. Thank you to single mothers and single sisters for whom I feel a deep love, admiration and gratitude.
I have a testimony our Savior lives, even now, and guides this church as one with our Father.
I have a testimony that Sister Beck is an inspired and wonderful servant of our Lord Jesus Christ, called at this time to lead our Relief Society and thus Latter-day Saint women.
I have a testimony that our Father in Heaven is in the details of our lives. That he has a plan for us with pockets of blessings along the way to allow us those things we need to accomplish our purposes in this life.
I have a testimony that our call as mothers is great, and that if something in motherhood is important to us, it is important to the Lord. He too knows the import of our mission, and as such, he will not abandon us when moments or days or weeks or years get hard. As we live worthy of the Holy Ghost, I know that God will give us revelation that will give us greater eternal perspective worthy to rear our children as missionaries and members of God’s kingdom for the next 50 years and for eternity.
It is my prayer that each of us, mostly myself, will reflect on the wonder it is to be in this eternally important partnership with God as the earthly mother of His children, and come to a firmer resolve to put essential things first, in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.
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